Words: The Power of Words

“The words we say do matter and they resonate powerfully within our bodies.” (-Gormukh Kaur Khalsa, an internationally-renowned yoga teacher and author)

I have recently begun to understand on a much deeper level the effect our words have on us. Recently I have been studying the work of Masaru Emoto. Mr. Emoto used high-speed photography to discover that crystals formed in frozen water are affected by our thoughts, words, and feelings. From what I understand, he simply labeled containers of water with various words, positive and negative, then quick-froze them and photographed the crystals that formed. The results are nothing less than truly amazing and life changing.

The crystals formed with words such as hope, love, gratitude, peace, harmony, are incredibly beautiful, jewel-like crystals. Those crystals formed with words such as "no good", "you fool", "do it", hate, fear, etc, are grotesque and almost nightmarish crystals.

Now translate that information to your body. You are around 70 percent water. Let me again repeat the quote for today: “The words we say do matter and they resonate powerfully within our bodies.” What do the water molecules in your body reflect?

Check out more of Mr. Emoto's work on his website.

Finally, you can learn more about his research through his books:
The Hidden Messages in Water
The Shape of Love

His work is also discussed in the movie What the Bleep

I always knew words were important. I listen to the negativity often used in the vernacular in our society and I know how much it affects me. Choose differently. Mr. Emoto's work will change who you are through the language you choose. It is powerful and wonderful!

People: Space to Grow

Here is a thought from a participant for you: “Since my tolerations and boundaries have changed, I ask myself why I was continuing to seek out or continue relationships that did not resonate with that. I think that sometimes, relationships become old habits instead of being old friends.”

Is it time to reevaluate old relationships? Ron easily lets go of relationships when they no longer fit where he is in his spiritual growth. He also lets go of belongings easily. He is quite skilled in the practice of detachment. We get attached to our relationships. Perhaps it is the sense of belonging or patterns or something I haven’t considered yet. We need to regularly reevaluate these relationships, though, to make sure they are feeding us. Good friendships leave you feeling uplifted, not drained. They also can keep you stuck in your current state of consciousness. Is it time for you to reevaluate?

People: Positive Residual

One of the suggestions in the People Module is to pay attention to the feeling your own presence leaves behind. What type of residual do you want lingering with the people with whom you interact? This comes from one of the participant’s experience with this idea: "This had the biggest affect on me. I really thought about what I leave behind and I had never focused on this before. It's great to go about your day thinking that you are going to do everything in your power to leave a positive residual."

We leave residuals with anyone and everyone we encounter whether or not words are shared. I play a game when I am in stores. I radiate love from my heart as I walk around. Though I am not always smiling, I know my face is reflecting the peace in my heart. I love the effect it has on others. Some people aren’t sure how to react. Most people reflect that love right back at me. Choose one area in your life in which you can leave a positive residual today and touch someone else’ heart.

People: Residual Opinions

We had quite a few participants (myself included) who realized our challenges with others often came from residual opinions. Residual opinions are opinions we formed about people long ago that have stuck with us. The people have long since changed, but your opinion remains and colors everything they do.

I had an interesting experience in which I was the "victim" of someone’s residual opinion. It was a very mild example, but poignant for me in light of these discussions. My daughter has recently taken up knitting and cross-stitching. I have been doing them with her and thoroughly enjoying myself. As I child I had not been quiet or patient enough to pursue such activities. As an adult who has worked on cultivating quiet in my heart, I now find myself enjoying them immensely and using them as part of my meditational practice. When my sister heard Sierra was doing needle work, she commented that that was ironic and how was I able to stand it? It was a very innocent comment that would have been exactly right a dozen years earlier. I am different now, though, and she hasn’t gotten to know the newer version yet. What the lesson for me was how misunderstood I felt. I wanted to defend my new place, let her know I am not that person anymore. I then realized how it feels for others to be misunderstood.

Here is a quote from Donna Farhi that speaks to this idea:

“We build self-images and construct concepts and paradigms that feed our sense of certainty, and then we defend this edifice by bending every situation to reinforce our certainty. This would be find if life were indeed a homogenous even in which nothing every changed, but life does change, and it demands that we adapt and change with it. The resistance to change, and tenaciously holding on to things, causes great suffering and prevents us from growing and living in a more vital and pleasurable way.”

When we hold on to old opinions and ideas whether they be about people or beliefs or situations, we are only holding ourselves back from growing and feeling joy.

Media: Postive Media

I have had more comments about people who choose certain media for their positive effects, in particular intellectual stimulation. One person chooses specific NPR shows and another uses podcasts to select only what she wants to hear. Ron and I watch almost exclusively PBS in our house. What I like about PBS is I am able to choose shows that have a positive message, I am intellectually stimulated and I know that I can count on the "commercials" being violence free.

But I do stand by my previous entry in which I mentioned that all media affects us. One of my favorite television show is Nature on PBS. While it is a truly educational show, I am still affected by it. I know I am. I become attached to the animals they are showing and am distressed when something happens to them (which frequently does in the wild.) But I want to know more, I want to learn more about the wild. I am fascinated with wild life and want my children to learn more as well so it is something I choose to watch.

This thought leads me to my final thought on media. I am not espousing not participating in any type of media. We live in an inter-connected world and we need to live in that world. I am saying we need to pick and choose and be aware of what we are exposing ourselves to and its affect on us. Everything affects you some how in some way. It touches your heart by either adding to it or taking away from it. Just be more conscious. Know this area is a relatively easy one to shift when you need to tip the scales more decidedly to the positive in your life. (Say, for example, when your challenging relative comes to visit or you have a performance review with your boss.) When I discuss media with people, I find many become defensive, supporting their news show or CSI telling me, convincing me, that they are enjoyable and add to their life. I am not telling you to stop watching. I still read my mystery novels. I also know there are times when a mystery novel is not what I need.

Media: Neutral Media

Is there such a thing as "neutral media"? I ask this question because on the calls, I heard several times people say, in reference to the media they use, "but it doesn't affect me." I also heard Ron and I say the same things about what we do. Interestingly, we all said this about media sources that were anything but neutral. For me, it was about my mystery novels, which, as tame as they are, are nonetheless about murder and mayhem. I don’t think anyone of us would consider murder neutral. Just because we are not aware of the effect, doesn't mean it isn't affecting us. Even if the content truly is neutral (my example was watching golf), it stimulates thinking that is far from neutral. I get excited and frustrated right along with the golfers. Of course, our stimulated thinking can also be positive, but it isn’t neutral. Think about it in your own life...

Media: Fasting

Something I (Laura) noticed on each call was that those who actually did some level of media fast each had a new awareness around how much the media was affecting them. Those who didn't do the fast felt that the media wasn't affecting them (or at least not as much.)
For those of you who have never done any kind of fast (media, food, etc.), I highly recommend them. Fasting is taking a break for a specified amount of time from something. We then allow our bodies, minds, or spirits to heal from the affects of that substance. Fasts are extraordinarily helpful in making us more sensitive to subtleties we did not notice. If you listen to the news every day, you are accustomed to how the news leads you to feel and therefore it feels “normal”. I was accustomed to how dairy made me feel since I ate it every day of my life until I was 35 years old. Interestingly, when I couldn’t eat dairy because Zack reacted to it, I did feel better, but I didn’t really notice I felt better until I ate dairy again and felt the same icky feeling. The feeling felt so familiar! It was then I realized the true effect dairy had on my body and how lousy I had felt for so many years – and that was more “normal”. I had no idea how wonderful I could feel! Fasts help you feel the good you didn’t even know you could feel.
If you haven't tried the media fast, do so now and let me know what happens for you.

Media: Escapism

Here is a quote that came from a participant last year when we were discussing positive media. “These to me are the type of media that actually help me or stimulate my intellect. There is a fine line, though, between what is helpful and then what is then truly avoiding and escaping my time away. Quite a bit of our culture is about escape rather than being in the moment and dealing with reality. This is a huge exercise for me everyday to stay present.”
She went on to comment that when she is, "over the top with my schedule and my limits I have more of a need for escapist tendencies."

Escapism is a topic that came up frequently on the calls; people using the media as a form of escaping from challenges in their lives. (Laura: What was especially interesting for me with challenges is they could be huge, a relationship that needed ending, or tiny, trying to decide what to have for dinner. We often need to escape at many different levels.) The three main forms of avoidance media were tv, internet, and novels.
What we discovered is that escapism is one thing if it is truly for entertainment. It felt like quite another when it was to avoid something that needed to be handled, an emotional issue, stress, some sort of procrastination. We decided when we use media that way, we just feel worse when we are done. We also discovered that the escape was unconscious, we weren't aware we were in active avoidance. With it in our awareness now, we decided that there were much better ways of using our time when we are struggling with something that will leave us feeling more compassionate with ourselves and others.

Media: Quotes from Participants

And yet another quote: "Even though TV has a relaxing or numbing effect when you watch it, I find that it creates anxiety. The anxiety is kind of the TV hangover :-) If I watch TV before going to bed, my mind is assaulted with commercials that include extremely violent images like murder, assault, rape, child abuse, etc. They are usually preview for shows that I would never watch. Unfortunately, when I try to go to sleep, my mind is filled with restlessness and anxiety. I often toss and turn all night. On the other hand, if I do not watch TV before going to bed, I sleep peacefully and wake rested. I have never understood how people could fall asleep in front of the TV - but the newsletter you sent really clarified that for me. It is all about learning healthy ways to self-sooth."

Media: Quotes from Participants

Here is another quote from a participant: "I am adding on to the comment from last week. I, too, didn't feel the Media month applied to me. I do watch tv but I had never been aware of any effect on me. I always enjoy my 'veg time' as I call it and I only watch sports that, to me, was neutral. I especially thought of it as neutral in comparison to television news and shows about murder. Last week's note nudged me to pay more attention to the thoughts my sports' shows stimulated. I found myself so irritated during one game, I actually snapped at my husband."

Media: Quotes from Participants

I decided to pop these quotes into the blog because I thought they were excellent insights for these people and many could gain insights from them as well. Enjoy!

“I didn't think this month was one that would apply to me. I don't watch the news and hardly every watch television so, honestly, I didn't even participate in the assignment. You mentioned that there are many sources of media besides the t.v. I realized that I read books -- lots of books -- and most are not positive in nature or inspirational. I will pay more attention to their effect on me.”

Fear: Realistic Fears

This topic came up several times over the teleclasses. What about “realistic fears”? Aren’t they okay to have? Perhaps even necessary for our own good? Hmmm…sounds logical. Then we began to discuss what a realistic fear is. What makes a fear “realistic”? Do you know the definition of fear is: “an unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain, or a threat?” [Emphasis is mine.] And a belief is merely a dominant thought – a thought that is strong enough to become what you consider to be a truth. So, a fear is merely the belief, or many thoughts, that danger lurks somewhere for you.

To me, it seems that if something is “realistic” wouldn’t that mean that everyone would share that fear? I mean, if the fear is for our own good, it should apply to everyone. And yet, on the teleclasses, when we listed “realistic fears”, we received a wide variety of answers. Of course the answers were a litany of “horrible things” to feel fearful around. Yet for everything named, there was someone on the call who said, “Hmmm…that one doesn’t bother me.” Or “hadn’t thought of that one.” In other words, even though someone felt it was “realistic”, another hadn’t even considered it as an issue. Some even went on to say, “Actually, I feel quite safe with that one.”

Knowing all of this now, let me ask you, how does that fear serve you? Does it keep you safer? I will definitely give you that in a true life or death situation, fear helps considerably by releasing adrenalin and giving you courage and strength you didn’t know you had. But does it help the other 99.9 percent of the time when you aren’t in a threatening situation? If your fear involves your health, money, relationships or career, fear never serves you. People often tell me it is a great motivator. Believe me when I say that any motivation based on fear is not helpful. You do not think or act in your best interest from a fear perspective. Your very best decisions are always from your heart or Soul and your heart cannot be reached out of fear.

I had one person on the call realize that she wanted to become aware of her fear and use it as a wake up call. Normally her fears would lead her down the path toward more negative feelings and behaviors. Instead she decided to note her fear and ask herself these three questions: What is the reality? What to I want? What am I going to do to change the situation? I have heard from her since and she has found it is remarkably useful.

I know that fear always leads me from my compassionate state. Fear no longer fits who I am and how I want to show up in the world. What does your fear do for you?

Needs: Finding Joy with Unmet Needs

Here is a comment I received on last year’s Teleclass on Needs: "Usually when I become crabby and irritable it is because my tiredness is a result of taking care of other people, their feelings, their needs, etc. As a result, I usually have put my needs aside. It is important to put our needs aside for others, of course. There are many good reasons to do that. However, if I do it for too long, without taking a moment for myself, even in a small way, I become deficient in my ability to be patient and loving."

I know many of us feel this way, when our cup is empty we have nothing left to give. But why is this? Why is it we need to have a fully cup to not resort to a negative state? I can understand we might not feel full of vim and vigor, but to feel negative? To lose our “love place” (as we call it with the kids)? Some of you have read my story about how YLC came to fruition. My second child had just been born. He was colicky and I was exhausted. I slept for around two hours each night for the first two weeks of his life. My poor daughter, my eldest, was feeling challenged in accepting this new being in our family with an open heart. She didn’t understand why mommy’s lap was often busy. I just found myself feeling irritated and frustrated with her almost all of the time just when she needed my loving attention more than ever. At that time, I was watching Wayne Dyer’s special on PBS called The Power of Intention. In that talk he said, “When you squeeze and orange you get orange juice. When you get squeezed, what comes out?” I was being squeezed and I did not like what was coming out. I felt like my complete exhaustion was stripping me bare and what was left was negativity. Ever since then, I have worked on compassion and love being what shows up when I am bare; at least compassion for myself, if nothing else. It is definitely a work in process…

I asked the participant to take this awareness more deeply and encouraged her to explore why it is she becomes crabby when she wasn't taking care of her needs. Why does that make her irritable? I am looking for us to remove another layer. We often stop with I am grumpy because I am tired, hungry, or not having my needs met. Explore more deeply. Can you discover how to be joyful even in the face of fatigue, hunger, or unmet needs? I would love to hear your thoughts.

Needs: Communication of Needs:

Have you begun to make the connection (pardon the pun) between connecting with yourself and others to feel compassion? In order to be in our natural state of compassion we need to be connected to our Higher Self and to the person with whom we are speaking, even if we don’t agree with him/her. Frankly, the connection is just what we are working on in this program. When we are truly connected, we make good choices for ourselves, ones that tip the scale to the positive. Our unfulfilled needs can and do get in the way of this connection. They are negative “noise” when they are not being met.

This wonderful and insightful thought came from someone on last year’s Teleclass: “If we don’t communicate our needs, we can’t connect with others.” I would also say that not communicating our needs also keeps us from connecting more deeply to ourselves. If we keep our needs from those who need to hear it, the unanswered need is something that breaks the connection between yourself and the other person. Can you feel it in yourself? The other person may very well sense the disconnection too and has not idea what the issue is. Then, with that broken connection you are further removed from your compassionate state.

Communicating your needs to others is essential in your quest for a compassionate state. There is a caveat. Your needs are not to be shared like a righteous challenge. Remember, most of the time others are not fulfilling your need not to punish you but because they do not have the same need and are unaware of its necessity to you. Find your most compassionate state and then, from that loving place, share your need with others.

Fear/Needs: The Power of Taking Care of Yourself

This week I want to share a wonderful story from one of the teleclasses from this month. I had one teleclass participant say she committed to doing just 20 minutes of exercise 3 times each week for the month in an effort to meet her needs. Two amazing outcomes occurred from this commitment.

The first was the ease at which she continued with her commitment. She had previously attempted to commit to exercise only to stop. This time felt different. Knowing she was doing it for herself, in order to meet her needs and reduce her negativity, she found herself not only easily committed to it, but she was doing it everyday.

The second amazing outcome came from helping herself. She had a phone call with her parents (the relationship with her parents being her Focus Area for the year). She was actually amused to realize that the comments that used to set her down the path of frustration and anger did not bother her anymore. In that moment she "got" how being in a positive state of mind allowed her to rise above the negativity her parents sent her way. She then “got” how taking care of her needs but her in a positive state of mind.

Anger: Begins with Blame

One participant had a fascinating insight into her anger. Her anger almost always started with blame. In particular, she blamed others for not sensing her needs and, therefore, not fulfilling her needs. I think many of us feel blame as well. I know it resonated with me. Even when I think about it in a “rational” moment, I can still feel as if my needs are “obvious” and any partially conscious person with feelings should be able to be sensitive to them.

The interesting aspect about needs is they are incredibly individual. One person may crave appreciation while the next could literally care less if anyone noticed their good works. Another person my crave being alone while others need to be around people to feel calm. We are all different, very different. Just because others do not sense our needs does not make them insensitive, they just have other needs. (Needs that you may very be missing because those needs are not on your radar.)

Be more proactive around expressing your needs. Tell people what you need from them in a open, nonjudgmental way. It could very well alleviate one of your pathways to anger!

Anger: Anger is About Being Right

Here is a quote from Judith Hanson Lasater, a yoga teacher I very much respect. “We cannot become angry unless we believe we are right.” Is there anything to add to this one? Think about your own life and when you feel angry. It is true, isn’t it? You feel you are right. (I know, I know, you are thinking, “but I am!”)

Here is Judith’s recommendation: “Today when you feel irritated about something, breathe deeply and allow being right to melt into being present.”

Anger: Residual Anger

Residual anger refers to holding onto irritation from one situation and allowing it to seep into another situation. Be careful with this one, it is insidious. Residual anger can seep into a later encounter with the same person or it can come up in a seemingly unconnected situation with another person. Residual anger erodes your heart, bit by bit.

One participant realized that it was residual anger that had crept into her relationship with her father. He had done something earlier in the year that frustrated her and she hadn’t dealt with it completely, with him or with her. Later in the year, another situation came up that was much milder, but her response was laden with the continued irritation from earlier.

Sound familiar? I think this is something we all do whether it is conscious or unconscious. What to do? Make amends. Do what you need to do to make the situation right for you and the other person, if there is someone else. If that doesn’t seem possible (you don’t feel safe with the other person or the other person is really a situation), then you can clear the anger within you. First, fill yourself full of love, acceptance, and compassion. If necessary, picture someone in your mind whom you love very much and let the feeling you have for that person fill your heart. Then picture the challenging person or situation in front of you. Send them all the love you are capable of sending. The first time you do the exercise, you may find that you are only capable of sending 30 seconds of love and that is all. Keep doing it daily for as long as it takes to feel full love for the person.

I had a horrible run in years ago with someone that left me feeling angry and hurt. Facing her again was completely out of the question at the time because of the rage she sent at me. Being with her again felt very unsafe. I did this exercise for 2 years before a felt a complete release of the anger I had. It was well worth the effort. The anger I had toward her was eating my heart (I didn’t begin the exercise for 4 years after the incident). Initially, doing the exercise just helped me slow the negative slide and that was worthwhile in itself. Ultimately, the love completely bathed the anger in light.

Anger: Changing Ourselves

One Teleclass was especially lively with a debate over whether we can ever not be angry in certain situations – situations that are particularly horrible. A few participants felt deeply that if a situation was terrible enough, it needed to change, not them. They felt they would never be able to not be angry when faced with it (and, ultimately, that they should be angry. It was their anger of the injustice that felt compassionate, if you will).

Our anger only fuels the issue, though. Answering anger with anger only builds the negativity in situation.

Truly, the only thing we can change, the only thing we can control, is ourselves; our reactions in any one moment. Imagine Gandhi in your situation. Would he be able to hold a compassionate heart? What about the Dalai Lama? If anyone can, it is possible for you. We all have the same Divine spark within us. It is not something reserved for the spiritual greats of the world. We are all spiritual greats, we just have to tap into the source within us.

Interestingly, it is often in our own transformation that we then are able to transform the situation.

Love: The Source of All Violence

Intrigued? I had a wonderful discussion group last week during which we discussed anger and its derivatives. One participant said she had been pondering the source of all violence. She, herself, had experienced a considerable amount of anger in the past year and she was wondering if there was a connection between the source her anger and the source of all other types of anger, from a simple irritation to the wars between nations.

Many ideas came out of the discussion. One person thought about attachment. Much of our violence stems from an attachment we have to land, material goods, and, even more so, to our ideas and beliefs. We hold strong and feel threatened when another has another idea.

Another participant considered a lack of self-love as a source of anger. If we can’t love ourselves, we cannot love and respect another. And, remember, judgment is not love. When we are judging ourselves or another, we are not in a loving space.

Still others considered hopelessness and helplessness as a source.

Then I came across this quote from Donna Farhi that seemed to encompass everything we were saying:

“[What we need to restrain is] ...our inherent tendency to see ourselves as separate. It is this inherent tendency that causes us to act outside our true nature. When there is an 'other,' it becomes possible to do things such as stealing because we falsely believe that what happens to another is not our concern. But when there is a sense of unity, who is there to steal from but ourselves? When we feel connected to others, we find that we are naturally compassionate, [and] 'non-harming' is not something we strive to be but something that we are. We see the essence of ourselves in the other and realize that the tenderness and forgiveness we so wish to have extended toward us is something that all humans long for." (-Donna Farhi)

We definitely feel negative from attachment or a lack of self-love or helplessness and hopelessness, but a feeling of oneness underlies those issues. If you feel the unity of all you act in your true nature. Your true nature is full of self-love and completely unattached to things and ideas. Your true nature never feels hopeless or helpless because it knows you are neither hopeless or helpless.

Strive to connect with others and notice the compassion flourish in your heart.

Fear or Love?

We are reading the Magic Tree House series of books to our children. They are wonderful fantasy books with lovely lessons in them. In the latest one, Merlin the Magician tells them on their next mission to “be sure to answer the question from love not fear.” They then face a frightening sea serpent who asks them a question. The question has two answers to it the one that comes from fear is their first inclination, especially with the scariness in front of them. But then they remember Merlin’s advice and come from love. Interestingly, the serpent turns out to be a friend, someone who was scary just to protect himself.

I loved that lesson and have been thinking about it ever since. I have found it quite interesting how often a quick response to something (almost anything) can come from fear rather than love. When I am aware enough to notice it, I stop myself and shift to love. The response is much different from a place of love. I have also noticed how much I change what I am seeing in front of me when I am coming from a place of love. Suddenly it isn’t so big and definitely not as scary. My heart opens to compassion.

Love: So simple

I would like to continue on my thought from last week, being able to accept love. Being able to accept love gives others an opportunity to give and increase their love. Of course, receiving the benefits of giving love isn’t contingent upon others accepting your gift. It is much more satisfying, though, to give when the gift is received well.

So, here is my thought. This example is so simple it is almost silly, but it represents the idea so eloquently. How does it feel to you when you thank someone and they respond, “ah forget it. It was nothing.” Compared to someone who looks you in the eye and sends you a heart-felt, “you’re welcome?”

I was at the library the other day and someone held the door open for me. Because of this Module, I have been very aware of my thank yous. I sent the person a heart-felt, “thank you” instead of the usual “thank you” that is more rote than from the heart. I actually caught the man off guard. He stopped and looked at me and sent me the warmest, “you’re welcome.” I knew in that moment that we had made a soul connection. It was powerful. I felt myself uplifted for hours afterward and I am sure he did too. So simple.

How do you receive “thank yous”? How do you send “thank yous”? Here is a wonderful opportunity to connect with others in love.

Love: Accepting Love

One of the main ways of expanding our capacity to love (and perhaps the only way) is to give love; to help others. Although we all “know” this in our heads, have you thought about one of its corollaries? Are you someone who has a hard time accepting help from others?

I had an interesting email from one of YLC participants. She told me how she clearly experiences love when she is helping others. She mentioned all sorts of ways she gains enjoyment from helping her friends and family and it is something she has always known about herself. She also knew that she has a hard time accepting help from others. There is something in her that keeps her from asking, and receiving assistance.

Her learning point for the month was realizing the effect of not accepting help on others. She is, in effect, robbing others of having an opportunity to expand their capacity to love. Interesting thought, isn’t it? When you think about it in these terms, perhaps it will be easier for you to accept help.