Final Thoughts: People

I am finding this month’s topic more than any other during the year always has much to teach me. There are so many facets to how people affect our compassionate state. When I first wrote the Module three years ago, my focus was on how others can affect us if we aren’t solid in our positive space. I also discussed how we leave residuals with other people as well and we want to be conscious of what we are sending out that might affect others. Along the way we have discussed how various groups of people are more challenging to remain conscious around. In general, the more history we have with people, the more difficult it is to maintain a new consciousness. We have discussed how we can prevent people from maintaining their new consciousness merely by assuming they are going to react and act the same way as they always do. We can do the same to ourselves. On our last call this month, we also discussed how we all really take on rolls whenever we are interacting with others, and truly not our authentic self. Finding people with whom you can be your most authentic self will help you access your compassionate state. Phew! That is quite a bit around People. I can only imagine what next year will bring!

People: Space to Grow

Here is a thought from a participant for you: “Since my tolerations and boundaries have changed, I ask myself why I was continuing to seek out or continue relationships that did not resonate with that. I think that sometimes, relationships become old habits instead of being old friends.”

Is it time to reevaluate old relationships? Ron easily lets go of relationships when they no longer fit where he is in his spiritual growth. He also lets go of belongings easily. He is quite skilled in the practice of detachment. We get attached to our relationships. Perhaps it is the sense of belonging or patterns or something I haven’t considered yet. We need to regularly reevaluate these relationships, though, to make sure they are feeding us. Good friendships leave you feeling uplifted, not drained. They also can keep you stuck in your current state of consciousness. Is it time for you to reevaluate?

People: Positive Residual

One of the suggestions in the People Module is to pay attention to the feeling your own presence leaves behind. What type of residual do you want lingering with the people with whom you interact? This comes from one of the participant’s experience with this idea: "This had the biggest affect on me. I really thought about what I leave behind and I had never focused on this before. It's great to go about your day thinking that you are going to do everything in your power to leave a positive residual."

We leave residuals with anyone and everyone we encounter whether or not words are shared. I play a game when I am in stores. I radiate love from my heart as I walk around. Though I am not always smiling, I know my face is reflecting the peace in my heart. I love the effect it has on others. Some people aren’t sure how to react. Most people reflect that love right back at me. Choose one area in your life in which you can leave a positive residual today and touch someone else’ heart.

People: Residual Opinions

We had quite a few participants (myself included) who realized our challenges with others often came from residual opinions. Residual opinions are opinions we formed about people long ago that have stuck with us. The people have long since changed, but your opinion remains and colors everything they do.

I had an interesting experience in which I was the "victim" of someone’s residual opinion. It was a very mild example, but poignant for me in light of these discussions. My daughter has recently taken up knitting and cross-stitching. I have been doing them with her and thoroughly enjoying myself. As I child I had not been quiet or patient enough to pursue such activities. As an adult who has worked on cultivating quiet in my heart, I now find myself enjoying them immensely and using them as part of my meditational practice. When my sister heard Sierra was doing needle work, she commented that that was ironic and how was I able to stand it? It was a very innocent comment that would have been exactly right a dozen years earlier. I am different now, though, and she hasn’t gotten to know the newer version yet. What the lesson for me was how misunderstood I felt. I wanted to defend my new place, let her know I am not that person anymore. I then realized how it feels for others to be misunderstood.

Here is a quote from Donna Farhi that speaks to this idea:

“We build self-images and construct concepts and paradigms that feed our sense of certainty, and then we defend this edifice by bending every situation to reinforce our certainty. This would be find if life were indeed a homogenous even in which nothing every changed, but life does change, and it demands that we adapt and change with it. The resistance to change, and tenaciously holding on to things, causes great suffering and prevents us from growing and living in a more vital and pleasurable way.”

When we hold on to old opinions and ideas whether they be about people or beliefs or situations, we are only holding ourselves back from growing and feeling joy.