Friday, March 23, 2007

Fear: Realistic Fears

This topic came up several times over the teleclasses. What about “realistic fears”? Aren’t they okay to have? Perhaps even necessary for our own good? Hmmm…sounds logical. Then we began to discuss what a realistic fear is. What makes a fear “realistic”? Do you know the definition of fear is: “an unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain, or a threat?” [Emphasis is mine.] And a belief is merely a dominant thought – a thought that is strong enough to become what you consider to be a truth. So, a fear is merely the belief, or many thoughts, that danger lurks somewhere for you.

To me, it seems that if something is “realistic” wouldn’t that mean that everyone would share that fear? I mean, if the fear is for our own good, it should apply to everyone. And yet, on the teleclasses, when we listed “realistic fears”, we received a wide variety of answers. Of course the answers were a litany of “horrible things” to feel fearful around. Yet for everything named, there was someone on the call who said, “Hmmm…that one doesn’t bother me.” Or “hadn’t thought of that one.” In other words, even though someone felt it was “realistic”, another hadn’t even considered it as an issue. Some even went on to say, “Actually, I feel quite safe with that one.”

Knowing all of this now, let me ask you, how does that fear serve you? Does it keep you safer? I will definitely give you that in a true life or death situation, fear helps considerably by releasing adrenalin and giving you courage and strength you didn’t know you had. But does it help the other 99.9 percent of the time when you aren’t in a threatening situation? If your fear involves your health, money, relationships or career, fear never serves you. People often tell me it is a great motivator. Believe me when I say that any motivation based on fear is not helpful. You do not think or act in your best interest from a fear perspective. Your very best decisions are always from your heart or Soul and your heart cannot be reached out of fear.

I had one person on the call realize that she wanted to become aware of her fear and use it as a wake up call. Normally her fears would lead her down the path toward more negative feelings and behaviors. Instead she decided to note her fear and ask herself these three questions: What is the reality? What to I want? What am I going to do to change the situation? I have heard from her since and she has found it is remarkably useful.

I know that fear always leads me from my compassionate state. Fear no longer fits who I am and how I want to show up in the world. What does your fear do for you?