Monday, February 26, 2007

Anger: Begins with Blame

One participant had a fascinating insight into her anger. Her anger almost always started with blame. In particular, she blamed others for not sensing her needs and, therefore, not fulfilling her needs. I think many of us feel blame as well. I know it resonated with me. Even when I think about it in a “rational” moment, I can still feel as if my needs are “obvious” and any partially conscious person with feelings should be able to be sensitive to them.

The interesting aspect about needs is they are incredibly individual. One person may crave appreciation while the next could literally care less if anyone noticed their good works. Another person my crave being alone while others need to be around people to feel calm. We are all different, very different. Just because others do not sense our needs does not make them insensitive, they just have other needs. (Needs that you may very be missing because those needs are not on your radar.)

Be more proactive around expressing your needs. Tell people what you need from them in a open, nonjudgmental way. It could very well alleviate one of your pathways to anger!