Final Thoughts: Communication

This month was intriguing for me and the teleclass illuminating. The essence of the month was separating your observations (the facts of a situation) from your evaluations (your opinion and feelings of a situation). So, I spent much of the month investigating my reasons behind negative evaluations (making negative assumptions or jumping to negative conclusions) and was intrigued by a piece I found that discussed the reason as low self esteem in the area of the negative evaluations. So, if you have low self-esteem in your parenting, you could easily jump to a negative assumption about an innocent comment your mother made (when she was genuinely curious if you had enough sleep). If you have low self-esteem in your cooking, you might make an assumption about a face your husband made after taking a bite (when he was just concentrating to remember what he wanted to tell you earlier today.)
I did find that I do have low self-esteem in the areas of my negative evaluations. That knowledge has helped me tremendously curb my negativity and spend my energy building my self-esteem!
On the call, we discussed another reason we might make negative evaluations, when our basic needs aren’t being met. If you aren’t getting enough sleep, are overworked, not eating well, etc., it is much harder to stay in a positive state.
Marya also came up with a great third reason. You can read it here.

Final Thoughts: Words

What a fascinating month for me. As I mentioned on the other blog, discovering I was still saying “no” and “don’t” to my children more than I wanted to was quite illuminating. Actually, it was more like a shock. I also became acutely aware of the soul-shrinking power those words have both on my children and upon hearing them out in the world. Now I know those words are necessary at times, especially when safety is concerned. It is just that somewhere along the line, some of us began to overuse them when it isn’t even necessary. Do you ever say no only to change your mind later? If you had stopped to think about it in the first place, you might not have said no at first. Do you find yourself following the party line at work and saying no just because that is what you have been told? I am curious if it was kids that took me over the line or if I always used the words too much and it was my desire to be a more loving and compassionate mom that brought my consciousness to it. The good news is, I am on the road to positivity!

Final Thoughts on Judgment

What an interesting month for me. I am constantly amazed at how each year I seem to go more and more deeply into these topics. There is so much to learn! This year I learned that when I gave love to the person I was judging, my judgments released. Hmmm...sounds simple when I write it here and yet it was so powerful for me. The person was my husband and the release was so profound it has changed our relationship. Unknowingly (I have since learned), it shifted something in our relationship that has bothered him for years and has opened us up to a new place of being on the eve of our 10th anniversary.

On the teleclass I also learned much from others. One person realized that her judgments uncovered her much about her beliefs, fears and insecurities. She also realized a single judgment could lead her down a well-worn judgment path. She used the month to learn how to redirect the negative path. (She realized it was much harder to redirect her judgments when she wasn’t meeting her own basic needs.) Another participant discussed being "compassionately vague" when those she cared about were gossiping and she didn't want to be involved or make them feel wrong for what they were doing.

Final Thoughts on Eating

I think my biggest insight was the realization that judging what we are eating does far more damage then what we are eating. One person on the teleclass realized she really likes to eat something sweet during the day. In fact, she loves it. The only thing keeping her from her deeper joy of it was her feeling she "shouldn't" be eating it. Let this be the final thought of this year's eating module:

“You are not what you eat, you are what you believe about what you eat.” (Wayne Dyer)

Final Thoughts: People

I am finding this month’s topic more than any other during the year always has much to teach me. There are so many facets to how people affect our compassionate state. When I first wrote the Module three years ago, my focus was on how others can affect us if we aren’t solid in our positive space. I also discussed how we leave residuals with other people as well and we want to be conscious of what we are sending out that might affect others. Along the way we have discussed how various groups of people are more challenging to remain conscious around. In general, the more history we have with people, the more difficult it is to maintain a new consciousness. We have discussed how we can prevent people from maintaining their new consciousness merely by assuming they are going to react and act the same way as they always do. We can do the same to ourselves. On our last call this month, we also discussed how we all really take on rolls whenever we are interacting with others, and truly not our authentic self. Finding people with whom you can be your most authentic self will help you access your compassionate state. Phew! That is quite a bit around People. I can only imagine what next year will bring!

Final Thoughts on Unmet Needs

One great idea that came out of the call this week was letting go of how your needs should be met. One participant mentioned previously feeling very attached to how her needs were met (mostly, who needed to say what). She felt a tangible shift this month and was incredibly surprised to find her need being met in a completely unexpected way. (Interesting to note that the expectation of wanting a need met in a particular way can prevent the unexpected way from flowing into our life.)

Final Thoughts on Fears

Last time we did the program we focused entirely on fear on this teleclass. This time we talked all about unmet needs. So, I want to share a thought that came out of the last program’s call around fear. Here is your question to ponder: Is there such a thing as a “realistic fear”. What does that mean for you? In your fear area in your life, how does the fear help you?